A few moments ago, I was filling out yet another pathetic chain-mail survey, but one question got to me. The question goes as follows:

30. Who is getting on your nerves right now?

I thought long and hard, and answered a delightful list of everything that gets on my nerves, which is reproduced in full below:

Lobbyists, big business, the military-industrial complex, corrupt politicians, hypocrite celebrities, bad drivers, showoffs, soccer moms, celphone yackers, artsy fartsy people, posers, Abercrombie & Fitch and their ilk, people who never read the news, people who talk too much about the news, people who watch Fox News, those with an overly sunny disposition, anyone with a squeaky voice, anyone who farts and doesn’t own up to it, Starbucks customers, bad tippers, people who feel entitled, people who don’t earn their keep, people who spend too much, litterbugs, preppy kids, goth kids, emo kids, neocons, the fifteen percent the population who voted for Bush in 2004 but have since joined the Bush-bashing bandwagon, anyone who voted for Bush in either election in the first place, The War on Terror, Homeland Security, the NSA, The G8, Saudi Arabia, the RIAA, the Christian Right, born-again Christians, AT&T, anyone using an Apple product, Steve Jobs, Sony, any executive, people who drive Mercedes-Benz, people who drive BMWs, people who drive SUVs, people who drive too slow, left-lane hogs, left-wing pussies, right-wing lunatics, married men hitting on girls half their age, the scientists who invented Viagra, all the pharmaceudical companies, every insurance company, especially GEICO and their cheeky fucking gecko, teenage lovebirds, teenagers in general, friends with benefits, friends who don’t call, anyone who calls too much, smug people, druggies, treehugger-wannabes, hybrid car owners who think they’re saints, fat people who eat too much, wiggers, reggeton, commercial radio, plastic surgeons, fake breasts, old people dressed like teenagers, moms who dress their daughters like sluts and blame Myspace when they get knocked up, parents who blame videogames for all their woes, girls who dress like sluts and complain when men treat them as such, girls who think they’re all that, guys who think they’re players, hustlers, suburban thugs, white people who speak ebonics, Latin people who won’t speak English, Miami’s broken transit system, traffic, South Beach clubs, the rain, the heat, the cold, New Yorkers still milking 9/11, France, and of course, cold pizza and warm beer.

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Filed under: humor, rants on June 8th, 2006