Archive for January, 2011

Every (Hipster) Music Critic’s Year-End Top 10 List Explained

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

Upon reading this article on the predictability of year-end top 10 lists, I decided to make my own. Because someone called-out Pitchfork (and me) for being as predictable as the year-end top 10 lists referred to in that article.

10. Any self-respecting egoitst music critic is going to pick his/her personal favorite as #1. Also, Mumford & Suns is a hipster Dave Matthews Band, and fuck them. There I said it.

9. If the author didn’t understand Four Tet’s latest record, then there is little hope for him as a music critic, because it’s not dense. He’s dense.

8. This is America, and it’s OK to hate on other countries (ironically, of course). So, fuck foreign records. Exception: British bands. Because we speak their language.

7. What an amateur. Any self-respecting hipster music critic will not include any breakout successes. Rather, they will deride the bands’ rise to the top and declare them to be uncool sell-outs. “Arcade Fire? Yeah, they used to be cool, back when they were unknown and in that one Apple commercial.”

6. Obama is president. Hipsters don’t have to go on pretending to like hip-hop anymore. It’s a post-racial world.

5. The old-timer records belong further down the list because they’re only even on the list for irony’s sake. Everybody knows a good hipster has no sense of history. What’s history? Huh? Fuck history, that’s what.

4. Yes, Kanye West does deserve his own spot, despite hip-hop having no place on a modern hipster music critic’s top 10 list. Because Kanye transcends hip-hop. His beautiful dark twisted fantasy is our beautiful dark twisted fantasy. He speaks to us. He understands us.

3. This is the slot for the obvious sub-mainstream hit, actually, the one that almost made it, but didn’t. Because bands who almost sell-out but have to lick their wounds and come crawling back to college radio are the best. Oh, MGMT, it’s nice to have you back.

2. This is the spot for whichever album everyone else chose as #1, obviously. Let’s call this spot “Your Favorite Record is Only my #2 Pick”.

1. And finally, a good hipster music critic is going to put his/her personal favorite here. This is for the album that he/she either a) lost his/her virginity to, b) listened to the most while being high, c) listened to while sitting on the hood of a car looking at the night sky and musing or just pretending to be in a John Hughes movie or something. For example: 2008–M83, 2009–Animal Collective, and 2010–Beach House.

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Day 360: Amnesia

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Day 360: Amnesia

My Friday night lasted a long time, well into Saturday. I started playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent, known as one of the scariest games in the survival/horror genre, the way it’s meant to be played: In the dark, with headphones, from 2AM to 5AM. Awesome.

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Day 359: First Week

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Day 359: First Week

So, the first workweek of the year’s almost through, and it’s gone by as quickly as any other.

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Day 358: Night at the Pub

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Day 358: Night at the Pub

Tonight I hung out at one of the local pubs with my brother and another buddy, and that was bette than the usual aimless drives.

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Day 357: Still at Cafes

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Day 357: Still at Cafes

I’m spending most nights at a cafe on the computer or reading an (e)book, just as I did before.

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Day 356: Still Driving

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Day 356: Still Driving

In this year, as in the last, I’m still racking up the miles driving alone at night. I prefer the night.

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Day 355: So, New Year

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Day 355: So, New Year

I don’t do resolutions. So, it’s 2011, and I’m doing the same stuff I did in 2010. Big deal.

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Day 354: 2011

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

Day 354: 2011

Unlike Christmas Day, businesses are actually open on New Year’s Day, and it’s easier to make less of a fuss about it and just go on about my business. That’s the way i started the new year.

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Day 353: New Year’s Eve

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

Day 353: New Year's Eve

I spent New Year’s Even much the same way as Christmas Eve, driving around, frequenting cafes, and not doing much of anything. And then I watched movies through the night.

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Day 352: Like Friday

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

Day 352: Like Friday

This is another short week, so today’s one of those Thursdays that’s like a Friday, the last one for a while. It’s annoying how al the work holidays pile up at the end of the year, then dry up afterward.

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