blog.asurroca.com my personal blog

May 23, 2008

Job Listing Poem

Filed under: humor — Tags: , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 8:53 pm

It seems you can’t hit Craigslist for even a few moments without coming across something hilarious. Today, I was browsing the local job boards for freelance graphic design or web development work, and I come across this post:

model wanted artistic photography

Model wanted: prefer nubile fresh petite
and willing. Artistic photographer
compiling book on petite models
adding to portfolio. Serious
inquiries only. Nudity included.
Art students welcome.

Really? What is this, a job listing or some kind of creepy poem?

May 15, 2008

Robot Jesus

Filed under: humor — Tags: , , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 12:44 am

So there’s this meme going around where one describes something plain, like vegetables, in the most expletive-laden manner possible. I found this picture of “robo-Jesus” today, and thought the two would be a very good fit.

robojesus

May 13, 2008

Overheard: The Contagiousness of Cancer

Filed under: humor — Tags: , , , , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 11:24 pm

I work remotely, and often find myself working from Starbucks. Normally, I’ve got my Zune pumping (thank you noise-canceling headphones), but today, I was enjoying the Eighties mix the store had going. That was, until the sound was drowned out by the endless chattering of two soccer moms perched right next to where I was sitting. It was all worth it, for the most ignorant thing I’ve heard in a long time.

Soccer Mom #1: “blah blah blah we visited so-and-so who is getting chemo”

Soccer Mom #2: “Oh, I’m worried about visiting (so-and-so). I’m worried I might get cancer”

Soccer Mom #1: [WTF expression]

Soccer Mom #1: “Cancer is a growth in your body. It’s not contagious!”

[Hearing someone worry about catching cancer as one catches a cold was hilarious enough, but this lady wasn’t done yet.]

Soccer Mom #2: “…well, I heard they have people with AIDS there too. I don’t want to get AIDS!”

May 12, 2008

The Rapping Clerk of Courts

Filed under: humor,news,politics — Tags: , , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 11:44 pm

The Miami-Dade Clerk of Courts, 70-year old Harvey Ruvin, seems to have a, er, gift. Witness, as he raps about the dangers of global warming, war, and so forth:

Yes, that video was done by a 70-year old politician. He’s also up for re-election, and making the environment central to his campaign.

Apparently, his campaign is both frugal and environmentally sensitive: the campaign held a fundraiser whose (e-mail) invitations asked invitees not to attend, so as to reduce their carbon footprint; specified that there would be no food served, what with the famine and all; and asked that donors would use the campaigns website instead of writing checks, so as not to kill trees.

Hey, I’d vote for him if I still lived in Miami.

May 11, 2008

Missed Connections (Orlando)

Filed under: humor — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 1:48 pm

As anyone who frequents Craigslist knows, the Missed Connections section is quite possibly one of the best ways online to laugh at losers in your very own neighborhood. Sure, one might hope these posts are jokes, lest humanity be that pathetic. These are just a few posts I found from my area (Orlando) on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

You took my Orange Juice recomendation at 7-11 Princeton/Orange – m4w – 26 (orlando/winter park)

well, you have a beautiful smile for sure and thanks for sharing it with me today, my morning went a lil smoother because of it, but yeah i was the blonde haired worker dude re-upping on ye old hydration and felt that maybe i could have started a lil convo, but maybe this will catch ya, yeah right, but hey maybe this could work you never know,

I’m not sure how far recommending OJ at 7-Eleven and talking like a reject from Juno was going to get this possible LARP enthusiast if he had the cojones to actually start a conversation with this convenience store customer. Somehow I think it’s for the best this guy didn’t open his mouth in public.

Betos Today 12:15 – m4w (Casselberry Betos)

You ate your lunch alone, which is very strange. Women who look as good you do, rarely eat alone. You sat so properly, a truely refined women. You wore all black, glasses, antique watch, and a diamond ring on you right finger.

Me – Black shirt, jeans, and Highway Patrol type sunglasses – smitten

I would be honored to join you for lunch, whenever you want.

For those outside Orlando, Beto’s is a local 24-hour taco shop known for being cheap and dirty—really, that’s one of the things that makes Beto’s so charming. What I’m getting at is, it’s pretty strange to see people who aren’t drunk college kids or blue-collar workers on lunch break at a place like Beto’s, and while the guy who wrote this seems to fit in, I don’t think the lady in question does. Beto’s and refined do not mix.

What can we take from this missed connection? Women, do not dress up and eat at seedy taco shops alone, or you might become stalker bait. In fact, just skip the seedy taco shops altogether. Your stomach will thank you later.

Girl in black hyundai – m4w – 19

You were driving in your black hyundai today on Alafaya. I thought you were really cute. I said some things to you on my PA and it made you smile.

Message me back if this is you., Long shot, I know :]

So cops use this too? Seriously, the only folks I see with PAs on Alafaya (that’s near UCF) are the half dozen State Troopers and Oviedo city cops that roam the area in search of college students to ticket. Or perhaps this guy had just finished a protest rally, or had a PA for ironic reasons?

Stuning deaf woman with dog at Playalinda – m4w – 43 (Playalinda Beach)

As I sat next to you on the beach with my female friend, you aroused me with your long, beautiful fingers as they signed to your partner. Your beautiful face, breast and figure were a sight to behold. I hope to someday see them again.

If you are interested, or if your partner is open, I would love to get together. The girl that I was with is very open, and also thought you were attractive. She tried to speak with you as you left, yet sadly, you were unable to hear.

Please, please be a joke! I really don’t want to believe that there are 43 year old swingers with bad grammar turned on by deaf women using sign language in this world. Wait. Actually, that’s probably the average poster on Missed Connections. Never mind.

April 30, 2008

On the Subject of Water Polo

Filed under: humor,thoughts — Tags: , , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 11:13 pm

When I learned that water polo was not, in fact, an underwater version of regular polo, I became very disappointed. Gone were the visions I’d had of players riding atop oxygen tank-wearing horses at the bottom of an Olympic size swimming pool and swinging at a ball around the pool’s surface ever so slowly with a mallet. And I held this notion much longer than one might expect.

I was equally disappointed when I found out that underwater basket weaving was not about dipping yourself underwater while weaving baskets so much as dipping reeds underwater before weaving baskets out of them. I held this notion longer than my idea of water polo. By “longer” I mean “until a few weeks ago”.

April 9, 2008

Using a Meme to Sell Life Insurance? WTF?

Filed under: advertising,humor,news — Tags: , , , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 12:08 pm

So, I’m minding my own business, reading Slate, and see one of those “family killed by ninjas, need money for karate lessons” pictures off to the right of the page. Then, I see it is an advertisement for life insurance. Oh, and the article in question was about John McCain visiting Mo Udall on his deathbed. Deathbed? Life insurance? Get it?

Here is the ad in question:

Accuquote ad brings the lulz

April 6, 2008

A Bush and his iPod

Filed under: humor,politics — Tags: , , — Alfonso Surroca @ 8:40 pm

So, I happened across an clip from a George W Bush interview wherein he talks about the music he has on his iPod. Presumably, he has an iPod Shuffle as well, but that was not the model shown in the clip. At any rate, the bit toward the end was classic. Were it Jerry speaking with George instead of Brit Hume speaking with President Bush, this could have been a segment from Seinfeld (also, if the show were still on in the post-Walkman era):

Bush: All of these… I put it on shuffle. Dwight Yoakam… I’ve got the Shuffle, the, what is it called? The little…

Hume: Shuffle.

Bush: It looks like…

Hume: The Shuffle. That is the name of one of the models…

Bush: Yes, the Shuffle.

Hume: …called the Shuffle.

Bush: Lightweight, and crank it on, and you shuffle the Shuffle.

That’s some snappy sitcom dialog! Right up there with “spare a square”. Here’s the clip. Enjoy.

March 9, 2006

Spinners of the Future!

Filed under: humor — Alfonso Surroca @ 4:55 am

A "spinner" wheel contains a spoke plate attached to the wheel's hub, which begins to spin using the kinetic energy generated by the vehicle's motion. Additionally, it is not uncommon for the outer spoke plate to be fixed so that even when the vehicle is moving, it remains stationary.
(more…)

February 25, 2006

0118 999 881 999 119 7253

Filed under: humor,video — Tags: , — Alfonso Surroca @ 2:56 am

If you haven’t seen The I.T. Crowd by now, then you’re obviously not living in the U.K., and/or not a geek. I am, of course, of the latter. Courtesy of someone posting at youtube.com and obviously violating some kind of copyright, here is a hillarious clip:

Enjoy! You’ll understand what 0118 999 881 999 119 7253 means in a moment, as soon as you press the play arrow above. Essentially, this show comes in the fine tradition of office comedies, such as Dilbert, Office Space, and The Office (U.K., then U.S. version). And if you’re a geek, you’ll absolutely love it.

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