Apparently, I Haven’t Grown Up

Sunday, June 29th, 2008

Determining whether or not I have “grown up” using a random blog post from some site I’ve never heard of which apparently caters to women sounds like a reasonable enough course of action, right? Especially when it amounts to an e-mail friendly list of 25 items in the “you might be a redneck if” format.

Out of the entire list, I was able to find a handful which (kind of) could apply to me:

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

I’m quite certain that eating a basket of chicken wings would be a terrible idea. This has nothing to do with the 3 AM time and everything to do with the fact that I’ve been a vegetarian for half my life and could probably digest chicken wings about as well as I could digest a tin can.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

Last time I had bum wine was about a year ago. I think it was about $2.50 and tasted like Kool-Aid. For a little over four dollars, you could buy a bottle of Manischewitz, which does not qualify as “pretty good shit”. This means I’m growing up? Seriously? It has nothing to do with having properly functioning taste buds?

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

There is no correlation between being cheap and being mature.

That’s it: three out of twenty-five, and I’m twenty-seven. I’m already in a career, working at a real job, own a home, paid my car off years ago, and never liked going out clubbing until dawn to begin with. I’m all about spending weekends working on my home, going to IKEA is like going to Disneyland for me, and I get my ass handed to me by twelve year-olds when playing online multiplayer video games. But, apparently, I haven’t grown up.